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[balaa]

Im starting to do lj cut so for those that don't want to be bothered by my random daily life nonsense dun read...really its mostly very boring but I need to vent.



I hate talking to my mom...she called tonight and when I answered the phone and it was her my heart just sank. Ever since what happened in november I feel betrayed by her. I forgave her even as it happened because thats in my nature. I have forgiven all the people that have in anyway wronged me and given my apologies even if it meant bruising my ego/pride/what have you. But I think with her, just saying Ive forgiven doesn't mean I have. She's my mom and for a long time I was so close to her....but I came to realize the closeness was not really friendship. I was her possession and as long as I did what she wanted, we got along. But as soon as I had someone else in my life she got jealous and wanted me to get rid of them. When I finally started thinking for myself she started to blame everyone around me for us drifting apart. Now my stomach ties in knots whenever she calls me. meh everytime I talk to her on the phone I just end up crying...I dont let her know but she just makes me feel so awful about everyythiiinngg.

Newho..I feel better now, trish, sculleh and dark jag have been cheering me up nicely. You are all such nice people. Thank you all

k im done ranting for now x.x

Comments

[daanzi.livejournal.com]

holy shizness. your mom sounds, exactly, like mine. *huggles you tight* i feel your pain! *luffles*

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

*HUGs da daanzi* if your mom is like mine *CLINGS* take care of yourself!

[nem-rac.livejournal.com]

*pets*

thats really sad, there isn't much to say that would be of any help, only that your friends are the family you choose, and don't be afraid to lean on them for help

I send you happy thoughts
hopefully they make you feel a bit better

[jjshippen.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Gosh, that must be hard. Well, at times like that you can always remember that you've moved out now & she can't have control over you. Unfortunately parents tend to freak out when their kids leave the nest :(

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

ehehehe moms always know which buttons to press I suppose. *HUGS chooooooooooooo*

btw holy hell the pic of spike is popular O_____O..I never ever ever thought itd have that many faves. when I uploaded I was afraid everyone would boo it O_o...not because I did a bad job..dunno think I stared at it too long XD.....shows what I know ehehe.

[jjshippen.livejournal.com]

What did I tell ya, eh? I knew people would love it :D And holy crap, the ammount of detail you put on the full-size version O____o I never expected so much detail in it! Curse your nitpicky-ness ;P

[lazalanti.livejournal.com]

when I uploaded I was afraid everyone would boo it

I always feel that way about my art... but I guess I'm a bit more vocal about it. ^_^; I thought the picture was beautiful, though!

[dapplet.livejournal.com]

Aww Balaa, I wish I could give ya a real big hug right now. *snug*

Don't blame yourself for what your mom thinks, and try not to let it bother you. You've got your own life, and don't need others running it for you. Stick to your heart!

Love ya Balaa <3

BTW, I got AIM a little while ago... if ya ever want to talk, just add me at: xdapplex *snoogfloofs*

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

*HUUUGGSS* I still keep my distance from aim XD...my niche is yim...I lurk a lot on yim XD.

And thank you hun, my life could be a lot worse than it is...I feel bad for being upset by such small things when in the grand scheme of things god knows I have it a million times better than so many other people....sometimes venting about it really makes you realize how much worse you could have it and in such how grateful you should be for the things you do have.

[dark-jaguar01.livejournal.com]

My friend has the some kinda of mom, it is so hard to have parents like that. T_T I am sorry you are having to go through such a thing. I hope you make peace with your mom someday. <3 *conforthugs*

[hibbary.livejournal.com]

That's really awful, Balaa. I know what it feels like to be at odds with family. I've been avoiding my father for two years. I hope you feel better. I'd try to help cheer you up, but I can never seem to catch you on YIM.

[justblieve.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[jannali.livejournal.com]

aw balaa, I'm sorry :( I dont get along with my parents either x_x. Often times I have thought about running away, but I realize I have no where to go. I have resorted to starving myself for days, only coming out of my room when my parents leave the house, then I stockpile food in my room.
I hope you can sort things out with your mother, I know how frustrating and hurtful it can be. *hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

Oh please. Quit trying to get attention by saying you starve yourself; you have no idea what that even means. ::shakes head:: This is Balaa's entry; she doesn't need your problems in addition to hers.

[jannali.livejournal.com]

hey! I wasnt trying to draw attention to myself, and I wasnt trying to make people feel sorry for me either. My comment was for Balaa anyway, and if you're going to insult me at least show yourself, dont hide behind an anonymous comment.
I'm sorry Balaa, I hope I didnt offend you. It wasnt my intention at all. I consider you a good friend, and I would never want to spoil your entry or do anything at all that could hurt your feelings. I hope you didnt take it that way, I honeslty did not mean to at all.
I'll just go now, I'm sorry If I said something wrong, but it was compeltely unintentional. :(

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

Don't you dare feel bad...you know what? I welcome any comment as long as it isnt maliscious..thats all. This is a place to vent and if that means not just me...then thats perfectly alright. I doubt very much you are seeking attention or anything of the such but rather show me you identify with me..and I certainly identify with you. *HUGS* theres many things in my past I hardly talk about. The advice I can give you hun is truly try to take care of yourself...eat when you can. Malnutrition can do serious damage to your body, things you could never really imagine. I am facing some of the consequences only now...no matter what take care of your body. You will not have another one to replace this one. *BIGHUUUUGGGSSStoyouhun*

You haven't hurt my feelings at all Jannali..not in the least *hugs*

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't think any harm was meant by it at all :). *HUGGSSeveryoneLIKEnuts* you guys are all so sweet to me...

[nanook123.livejournal.com]

ouch dude X.x

[najiri.livejournal.com]

There's only one thing I can say. Don't let her make you feel awful. It still sounds stupid and it's much easier to say that than to do it, but keep your chin up. You're such a kind and friendly person.
In very hard times I try to keep one thing in mind. And maybe It'll cheer you up a bit sometimes:
Try to look forward, not Backward. Don't spend sadness to the past and allow it to make you feel bad, spend your powers and kindness to the present and the future.
You'll see that this makes you feel much better. At least I hope so.
Your friends will be always by your side.

best wishes and a very, VEEERY BIG HUUUUUUUG to ya!

(Maybe you need to talk to her about that? I hope she's not that kind of person that only listens to things she wants to hear)

[dolphiana.livejournal.com]

"But I just want the best for you!"
Guess that`s what EVERY mother says to their child. :P
On the one hand I think that`s right ´cause I can`t imagine that she wants to make you feel bad intentionally.But on the other one, well, only because she`s your mother doesn`t mean she knows what`s best for you.I had SO many discussions with my Mom ´cause she was convinced I was discontent with my life and that I had to meet people more often and whatnot.She can`t understand that I have my own way of living my life and that it`s almost the complete opposite of hers.
Aaargh, I`m rambling again. XD
So what I wanted to say was :
Live your life the way you want, it`s YOUR life, not your mother`s.
I hope you two will be able to trust each other again some time.Hey, maybe she`ll finally understand that she has no right making you feel bad...
*hugs* ^___^

[growing-rose.livejournal.com]

You don't really have any obligations to her any longer, do you? You should just hang up the next time she calls. You have no reason to make yourself miserable just because a family member calls. My family consists of about fifty relatives on mum's side (cousins, uncles and all) and I don't talk to a bloody one of them.

[shetanidemon.livejournal.com]

Aww... your mom is just like mine. Have you seen some of my last entries? They're mostly "Mother Flaming" entries. My mom makes me feel horrible everytime she calls me, but somehow I always put up with it. My policy is usually to forgive and forget, so both of us don't have to argue or feel bad about anything. Maybe you could try that with your mother too...?

You're not alone when it comes to mothers making their daughters feel bad. *snuggs*

[bagheera.livejournal.com]

*sighs* I think Jamala's been going through something similar...

I think, by nature, parents are closest to us in so many ways... I have had a share amount of disagreements with my parents but I still love them... And fortunately they are mature and respectful about most of my personal choices... there are times when my mom isn't very understanding but I think she's learning; after all I am her first child and she's unfortunate enough to live in an age where traditions and values are rapidly being challenged and changed (at least in Asia). But she's becoming more open-minded about things... because she loves me. :3

I really hate seeing people going through crap because their parents refuse to support them and their choices, though... especially when the parents are being so immature and selfish about it... I think a mistake a lot of parents make is that they refuse to see their children as a mature, grown adult who have the right to make decisions in their lives...

I am really sorry about your mom... I tend not to know what to say in times like this. I honestly don't know how I would feel or what I would do if my parents are like that... :/

*snugs...*

[lazalanti.livejournal.com]

That's too bad she has to be that way. :( I know somebody who's mom is like that, too. She only seems to be close to him when he does what she wants. He has to lie about who he is to her to make her happy or else she'll just make him feel bad.

*hugs for the Balaa* I sure hope things get better between you and your mom someday.