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balaaIm starting to do lj cut so for those that don't want to be bothered by my random daily life nonsense dun read...really its mostly very boring but I need to vent.
I hate talking to my mom...she called tonight and when I answered the phone and it was her my heart just sank. Ever since what happened in november I feel betrayed by her. I forgave her even as it happened because thats in my nature. I have forgiven all the people that have in anyway wronged me and given my apologies even if it meant bruising my ego/pride/what have you. But I think with her, just saying Ive forgiven doesn't mean I have. She's my mom and for a long time I was so close to her....but I came to realize the closeness was not really friendship. I was her possession and as long as I did what she wanted, we got along. But as soon as I had someone else in my life she got jealous and wanted me to get rid of them. When I finally started thinking for myself she started to blame everyone around me for us drifting apart. Now my stomach ties in knots whenever she calls me. meh everytime I talk to her on the phone I just end up crying...I dont let her know but she just makes me feel so awful about everyythiiinngg.
Newho..I feel better now, trish, sculleh and dark jag have been cheering me up nicely. You are all such nice people. Thank you all
k im done ranting for now x.x
I hate talking to my mom...she called tonight and when I answered the phone and it was her my heart just sank. Ever since what happened in november I feel betrayed by her. I forgave her even as it happened because thats in my nature. I have forgiven all the people that have in anyway wronged me and given my apologies even if it meant bruising my ego/pride/what have you. But I think with her, just saying Ive forgiven doesn't mean I have. She's my mom and for a long time I was so close to her....but I came to realize the closeness was not really friendship. I was her possession and as long as I did what she wanted, we got along. But as soon as I had someone else in my life she got jealous and wanted me to get rid of them. When I finally started thinking for myself she started to blame everyone around me for us drifting apart. Now my stomach ties in knots whenever she calls me. meh everytime I talk to her on the phone I just end up crying...I dont let her know but she just makes me feel so awful about everyythiiinngg.
Newho..I feel better now, trish, sculleh and dark jag have been cheering me up nicely. You are all such nice people. Thank you all
k im done ranting for now x.x
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Date: 2005-09-07 06:30 am (UTC)And thank you hun, my life could be a lot worse than it is...I feel bad for being upset by such small things when in the grand scheme of things god knows I have it a million times better than so many other people....sometimes venting about it really makes you realize how much worse you could have it and in such how grateful you should be for the things you do have.