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balaaIm starting to do lj cut so for those that don't want to be bothered by my random daily life nonsense dun read...really its mostly very boring but I need to vent.
I hate talking to my mom...she called tonight and when I answered the phone and it was her my heart just sank. Ever since what happened in november I feel betrayed by her. I forgave her even as it happened because thats in my nature. I have forgiven all the people that have in anyway wronged me and given my apologies even if it meant bruising my ego/pride/what have you. But I think with her, just saying Ive forgiven doesn't mean I have. She's my mom and for a long time I was so close to her....but I came to realize the closeness was not really friendship. I was her possession and as long as I did what she wanted, we got along. But as soon as I had someone else in my life she got jealous and wanted me to get rid of them. When I finally started thinking for myself she started to blame everyone around me for us drifting apart. Now my stomach ties in knots whenever she calls me. meh everytime I talk to her on the phone I just end up crying...I dont let her know but she just makes me feel so awful about everyythiiinngg.
Newho..I feel better now, trish, sculleh and dark jag have been cheering me up nicely. You are all such nice people. Thank you all
k im done ranting for now x.x
I hate talking to my mom...she called tonight and when I answered the phone and it was her my heart just sank. Ever since what happened in november I feel betrayed by her. I forgave her even as it happened because thats in my nature. I have forgiven all the people that have in anyway wronged me and given my apologies even if it meant bruising my ego/pride/what have you. But I think with her, just saying Ive forgiven doesn't mean I have. She's my mom and for a long time I was so close to her....but I came to realize the closeness was not really friendship. I was her possession and as long as I did what she wanted, we got along. But as soon as I had someone else in my life she got jealous and wanted me to get rid of them. When I finally started thinking for myself she started to blame everyone around me for us drifting apart. Now my stomach ties in knots whenever she calls me. meh everytime I talk to her on the phone I just end up crying...I dont let her know but she just makes me feel so awful about everyythiiinngg.
Newho..I feel better now, trish, sculleh and dark jag have been cheering me up nicely. You are all such nice people. Thank you all
k im done ranting for now x.x
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Date: 2005-09-08 06:40 am (UTC)I think, by nature, parents are closest to us in so many ways... I have had a share amount of disagreements with my parents but I still love them... And fortunately they are mature and respectful about most of my personal choices... there are times when my mom isn't very understanding but I think she's learning; after all I am her first child and she's unfortunate enough to live in an age where traditions and values are rapidly being challenged and changed (at least in Asia). But she's becoming more open-minded about things... because she loves me. :3
I really hate seeing people going through crap because their parents refuse to support them and their choices, though... especially when the parents are being so immature and selfish about it... I think a mistake a lot of parents make is that they refuse to see their children as a mature, grown adult who have the right to make decisions in their lives...
I am really sorry about your mom... I tend not to know what to say in times like this. I honestly don't know how I would feel or what I would do if my parents are like that... :/
*snugs...*