A Rant about what else? Art
Jul. 23rd, 2005 04:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
balaaRecently Daisy 7 posted a journal saying that there were a few folks that compared her art to mine. I suppose I should see that as flattering but moreso I guess I kinda see it as insulting to her. Really she has been doing the realism stuff longer than me...and I truly see why people adore her stuff so much. Its something Ive always wanted to do but for some reason could not get a handle of until very recently when I finally started unlocking photoshop's true capacity...that and I haven't had a tablet all that long XD.
Its funny...when I get commissioned to do realistic type stuff, I wonder if Im really that good. I have always bouted my self esteem when it comes to my art(lets not even talk about the person behind it). I wonder if people want art from me now because they really think Im that good or if its popularity...which for whatever reason I seem to be gaining on deviant. Some days I ride high, feeling good and enjoying the attention...moreso the truly nice things people say to me...and then there are days where the snyde mean comments of the past attack me and I just tend to feel miserable and want to remove myself from all the world. I dont want anyone to feel I am doing something malicious to them, especially other artists like Daisy who are just wonderful all on their own. The realism type stuff I do is close to my heart...I cant even say I have a style of my own when it comes to it..Id like to think there is uniqueness to the way I do certain things..but sometimes I wonder ..is there? Is there anything special about my pieces? But when people say I copied something, especially of my newer realistic type stuff, it stings the most because of how much time I spend on it and how much..heart I try to put into each and every piece.
Its a funny place the art world. One day you are everyones friend and the next all the people you thought liked you turn their back on you. I realize this is just online but to me...the people I meet online I treat like people I meet in person. Why? Because 1. I met my best friend online and then went on to meet in person and she has changed my life and 2. I met my fiance online and likewise he has changed my life. So I guess whilst some people may think I wear a falsa facade of 'nice'...I am not...I present myself as who I am in person, nothing more..nothing less. I always wanted to think the art world would not have the nasty politics most every other corner of the world had..because this has and always will be my only true place of refuge. But I was dead wrong. In my short time on the scene, Ive faced my share of indignation and watched others do the same. Art should not be a dirty game of getting ahead...it should be a place we can all call sanctuary.
But this won't happen and unfortunately today I find myself being the realist and lacking heavily the bouncy exuberant optimisim I usually display.
All of us continue everyday to grow as artists. Perhaps at times our stylistic pathways cross for a momentary lapse. Likely in most cases it is not deliberate, but rather a sub conscious way to explore what other artistic routes are open to us. In the end we follow the path destined in our hearts and find our home in art, something all our own. But never will we stop learning and evolving as people and as artists.
I guess somedays you just wonder if you are moving forward at all because all it feels like is you are backpeddling
Anyway I dont know if this rant has any point at all...but I guess I just needed to vent....
Its funny...when I get commissioned to do realistic type stuff, I wonder if Im really that good. I have always bouted my self esteem when it comes to my art(lets not even talk about the person behind it). I wonder if people want art from me now because they really think Im that good or if its popularity...which for whatever reason I seem to be gaining on deviant. Some days I ride high, feeling good and enjoying the attention...moreso the truly nice things people say to me...and then there are days where the snyde mean comments of the past attack me and I just tend to feel miserable and want to remove myself from all the world. I dont want anyone to feel I am doing something malicious to them, especially other artists like Daisy who are just wonderful all on their own. The realism type stuff I do is close to my heart...I cant even say I have a style of my own when it comes to it..Id like to think there is uniqueness to the way I do certain things..but sometimes I wonder ..is there? Is there anything special about my pieces? But when people say I copied something, especially of my newer realistic type stuff, it stings the most because of how much time I spend on it and how much..heart I try to put into each and every piece.
Its a funny place the art world. One day you are everyones friend and the next all the people you thought liked you turn their back on you. I realize this is just online but to me...the people I meet online I treat like people I meet in person. Why? Because 1. I met my best friend online and then went on to meet in person and she has changed my life and 2. I met my fiance online and likewise he has changed my life. So I guess whilst some people may think I wear a falsa facade of 'nice'...I am not...I present myself as who I am in person, nothing more..nothing less. I always wanted to think the art world would not have the nasty politics most every other corner of the world had..because this has and always will be my only true place of refuge. But I was dead wrong. In my short time on the scene, Ive faced my share of indignation and watched others do the same. Art should not be a dirty game of getting ahead...it should be a place we can all call sanctuary.
But this won't happen and unfortunately today I find myself being the realist and lacking heavily the bouncy exuberant optimisim I usually display.
All of us continue everyday to grow as artists. Perhaps at times our stylistic pathways cross for a momentary lapse. Likely in most cases it is not deliberate, but rather a sub conscious way to explore what other artistic routes are open to us. In the end we follow the path destined in our hearts and find our home in art, something all our own. But never will we stop learning and evolving as people and as artists.
I guess somedays you just wonder if you are moving forward at all because all it feels like is you are backpeddling
Anyway I dont know if this rant has any point at all...but I guess I just needed to vent....
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no subject
Date: 2005-07-24 01:20 pm (UTC)no, TBH, when I was reading 'censored' journal, I saw these mean things and bla bla bla about you, and I thought it was time I'd check it out, and what I saw is not what 'censored' said.
I saw totally the opisit, you are such a kind person, and I'm glad to have you as a friend
and I can agree on the point of friends loosing online can hurt just as loosing in Real Life
No I don't like you cause you are populair, I like you cause of who you are.
And if people like you for just being populair, so they can crick up their reputation, i suggest dump them
Cause they are nothing but bad people, and lie to you in your face.
REcently a friend of mine said: "well carrie you are quite populair"
and I ran off T°T
I know he's right, just a bit, but that's not what I want to believe
I don't want to be populair,
There once was this girl I admired(who's mighty and highly populair), and finally after one year of hard trying to get friends with her, (just cause she's got cool art and she seems so nice on her journals and bla bla bla)
I got to see the real her,
so mean, i never thought I'd think this of a person, but whenever I hear her name I say: "snake"
I remember her moaning on my aim saying, i want that neopetsbrush so badly
I started doing neopets commissions, (while people putted them online for their own contests) and made np's with it
at the end I said, : do you want them?
she: sure! i'd love to (via her bf's aim cause she was at his place)
And when I finally gave them, she blocked me
7 months later, I hear somany mean rumours about me, (wich she spreaded telling people i'm annoying, stupid person)
and I ask her in a mail:
Do you hate me? or are you angry at me?
she replied:
No I do not hate you, nor I'm angry at you, I just dislike you
you are so annoying and bug the crap out of me, so please leave me alone and leave 'bf's name' out of it.
More rumours have spreaded, and finally her friends are talking to me and more and more, but i keep wondering, are they talking to me, to make the mock out of me? or to see if she's right?
or are they really talking to me ... for me?
Ever since I hate populair people, they are exeptions, cause I know them like 2-4 years
But, that's why I feel down about everything lately,
you know what just happend with you know who
and yeah...
I just don't know who to trust anymore
*huggles you* I know i can trust you with it :3
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 04:08 am (UTC)We will always be met with people that show us one face and behind our backs act completely different. Its unfortunate but it doesnt reflect poorly on who WE are. As long as we know and are comfortable with who we are...thats all that matters and in the end people will eventually realize we arent pretending to be someone we arent..we are just being Carrie and Balaa...simple as that.
*snugs* life is too short to hate...to hurt...to lie.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 04:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 07:55 pm (UTC)I wont see my boyfriend cause of that for a long time...
oh well
about friendship and stuffs, somethimes it's really hard to see the mask people are wearing...
It can be hurting isn't it?
Oh well I learned my lesson
*gives a hug with mango hidden behind her back*
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 10:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-26 10:20 am (UTC)