A Rant about what else? Art

[balaa]

Recently Daisy 7 posted a journal saying that there were a few folks that compared her art to mine. I suppose I should see that as flattering but moreso I guess I kinda see it as insulting to her. Really she has been doing the realism stuff longer than me...and I truly see why people adore her stuff so much. Its something Ive always wanted to do but for some reason could not get a handle of until very recently when I finally started unlocking photoshop's true capacity...that and I haven't had a tablet all that long XD.

Its funny...when I get commissioned to do realistic type stuff, I wonder if Im really that good. I have always bouted my self esteem when it comes to my art(lets not even talk about the person behind it). I wonder if people want art from me now because they really think Im that good or if its popularity...which for whatever reason I seem to be gaining on deviant. Some days I ride high, feeling good and enjoying the attention...moreso the truly nice things people say to me...and then there are days where the snyde mean comments of the past attack me and I just tend to feel miserable and want to remove myself from all the world. I dont want anyone to feel I am doing something malicious to them, especially other artists like Daisy who are just wonderful all on their own. The realism type stuff I do is close to my heart...I cant even say I have a style of my own when it comes to it..Id like to think there is uniqueness to the way I do certain things..but sometimes I wonder ..is there? Is there anything special about my pieces? But when people say I copied something, especially of my newer realistic type stuff, it stings the most because of how much time I spend on it and how much..heart I try to put into each and every piece.

Its a funny place the art world. One day you are everyones friend and the next all the people you thought liked you turn their back on you. I realize this is just online but to me...the people I meet online I treat like people I meet in person. Why? Because 1. I met my best friend online and then went on to meet in person and she has changed my life and 2. I met my fiance online and likewise he has changed my life. So I guess whilst some people may think I wear a falsa facade of 'nice'...I am not...I present myself as who I am in person, nothing more..nothing less. I always wanted to think the art world would not have the nasty politics most every other corner of the world had..because this has and always will be my only true place of refuge. But I was dead wrong. In my short time on the scene, Ive faced my share of indignation and watched others do the same. Art should not be a dirty game of getting ahead...it should be a place we can all call sanctuary.

But this won't happen and unfortunately today I find myself being the realist and lacking heavily the bouncy exuberant optimisim I usually display.

All of us continue everyday to grow as artists. Perhaps at times our stylistic pathways cross for a momentary lapse. Likely in most cases it is not deliberate, but rather a sub conscious way to explore what other artistic routes are open to us. In the end we follow the path destined in our hearts and find our home in art, something all our own. But never will we stop learning and evolving as people and as artists.

I guess somedays you just wonder if you are moving forward at all because all it feels like is you are backpeddling

Anyway I dont know if this rant has any point at all...but I guess I just needed to vent....

Comments

[scullyiza.livejournal.com]

Well I can definitely relate to you on all that stuff Balaa. I portray myself as I would in person or on the phone too, because I really just don't see the point in being someone you're not; what are you accomplishing? NOTHING. I'm not attracted to you because you're popular, you know that of course! because I've known you for about two years, and no matter how long we go without talking, when we meet up again, we just go straight where we left off. ::hugs::

I don't see you as an art machine or solely as the things you create; I really honestly see you as a person, and a dear sweet person close to my heart that has become a very close friend to me, (as close as I can get to you being online.) and I hope you know that mean comments are usually just out of jealousy, nothing more. People can be dreadful to the point of deceit and selfishness sometimes, but it's not any of your problem at all. ;)

Love you hun,
Scully

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

*wraps arms around you* to be absolutely honest with you...after the whole Evana Fiasco I didnt know if I could trust you...Its sad...it really tore me up because I had thought "scully was my friend? Right she was right??????" and then all that stuff happened and it seemed like so many people I had called friends...TRULY friends...had just...turned their backs on me. It felt like you were one of those. I know you are friends with Evana...and thats fine with me, Im never going to make anyone choose sides. I have no right to. You have the right to be friends with whomever you choose.

I apologize for my mistrust...after something like that happens to you...you dont know who is being true to their word anymore or who is just going by word of "keep your friends close, your enemies closer". I don't want any enemies, I want true friends. I want people who dont like me to keep their distance. I dont want people to pretend to like me..theres no need for it. If someone doesnt like me..fine..just dont pretend to like me.

Im TRULLLYY more happy than you know that you arent one of those people. I always enjoyed your work..seeing what new things you were up to and gabbing with you! You are a fun unique person that has a brilliant future in front of them and I hope to know you for a long time to come. We really need to start talking more again, get to know each other better :).

You take care of yourself.

*with hugs and true friendship*

~Ana

[scullyiza.livejournal.com]

Aw...Balaa. I don't blame you for feeling anything you felt because you have every right to feel how you feel. Yes, I am Evana's buddy but I am also yours, and I provided my support to both of you while also trying not to get too involved. For you, it was my words of comfort over at DEVart, while for her it was something she needed to be put at ease.

You don't have to apologize at all; you can't help feeling what you feel and the internet is in fact not the greatest pool of trust to fish from, so I completely understand. I can confidently say that you are a true friend to me and I you, and I would never betray your trust or friendship just because someone thinks or wants to ruin it otherwise. ;)

Noway, I could never be one of those people; that's just downright dirty sneaky conniving shit right there. [/angry] You are such a beautiful person with brilliant skills, and you know I'll always be a source of comfort for you and always be here for you. You are my true friend, and nothing can change that. :)

::hugsandkisses::
<3 Scully