school?

[balaa]

It's been since December of '03 that I went to school. I finished my associates in arts and sciences with honors with full intentions on going on with my education. Well life proceeded to do the usual and throw crap in my face RIGHT before I was supposed to go. The first college I applied to and was immediately accepted as a transfer student was Western Washington University. I heard many good things about the school and it was close to home so I could live at home and cut down on expenses that way. Well I applied for financial aid the usual route and was given basically a full ride. GREAT! wonderful! I'm all for that! Well I was supposed to finish my schooling thatsummer so I could attend western in the fall. Stuff...came up and summer turned into absolute hell. I had to 15 credits that summer and seeing as summer session was shortened by a few weeks it was crammed together. Well to make a long story short..by the end of the first week I was having a nervous breakdown and failing every class. Two profs of three said if we had another intensive class that quarter..DROP one or they would fail because the hw load was so much...that it would not be possible to carry them both and still have a passing mark. I still decided to try and again...realized it would result in a nervous breakdown. So i dropped the math course after contacting western to make sure my financial aid and admission would not be affected by this. They told me id be fine. Well a week after I dropped the class they wrote me and told me my financial aid was dropped as was my place at the school. GREAT!

So determined I looked at other schools with fairly good Criminal Justice degrees and found Seattle Uni...ok close to home but not too close...so..what the hey I applied and did the whole Fafsa thing. Ok well they decided to screw me over too...sometime around april they told me I had to take english proficiency tests because I wasnt originally a native born American. OOOH whooopdie doo. I saw that as blatant discrimination and an insult to my face seeing as id been poked and prodded all through my k-12 education by stupid ass proficiency tests. Let me tell you that didnt help being the kid that was already picked on in my class. SO I wrote back telling them how I felt...OH and you had to PAY to take the test. WTF??? Im not gonna pay YOU to insult me when I had already passed higher level english courses in college and ap classes in hs! Wellll a month l;ater they decided to discontinue the testing..greaaat...and THEN they tell me that the INS(Immigration and Naturalization Services) had not verified my social security number as a valid number. OHHHH GREAAT. Ever since 9/11 that place has been a disaster zone and alll my paperwork was a mess. SO long story short..they dropped my financial aid too. Great...I cant afford to pay for school..it's just not possible! I don't have great relations with my folks and even so..they don't have the funds to send me to school...

So now I've got a decision before me. Should I try and apply at yet another school and try for financial aid again?? I want to finish school and have something of a degree...but I'm really tired of being crushed by the beaurocracy of it all. Thats been the story of my life being an immigrant. I need to try for my citizenship..but again..*sighs in exasperation*. You just begin to feel like a little mouse in a wheel..running in circles and getting nowhere. I've turned into a frightened little hermit...afraid to try for anything. I hate myself for that mentality. I know I am not a weak person but sometimes it all feels like its not worth all the trouble..the insult.

Its funny..for a long time I knew I wanted to go into law enforcement. I just did..it was something that always fascinated me. But the more red tape I see the less I want to go into CJ. All I would want would be to help people...but somehow I feel I would end up playing the political and beaurocratic game and never helping anyone. I always told my parents (whom after having numerous BAD experiences with the KGB in russia didnt want me anywhere near the government, most especially law enforcement), that if only bad people went to work for the system..it would continue to crumble..but if good people went to work for it...maybe just maybe things would get better. On the whole I don't think police are bad people..though thats what I have been taught to think by my parents because of their experiences..and I suppose even my own from early childhood. Vague memories...bad memories. *sigh* So now I'm just oddly ranting...but somehow it helped. The frustration has lessened and my shoulders loosened.

Comments

[lazalanti.livejournal.com]

My best friend was a police officer when she was in the Navy but she hasn't told me much about it. Another one of my close friends got a two year Criminal Justice Degree at a smaller college in Tacoma. He still wants to be a police officer but he's had to deal with descrimination due to the fact that he had to take drugs as a kid for his ADD. They consider taking Ridalin "drug addiction and abuse".

I'm jealous of anybody that is able to get into a good college, with or without political crap. -_-; I started college far too early (I was 16) and wasn't mature enough to handle the homework. I didn't have to study at all when I was in public schools so I had no study habits. Half of the time I had a really high GPA, the other times I'd have something really low. All of that was my own fault, though. ^^;

I really hate tests of any kind. I had to deal with a lot of those when I was trying to finish up my AAS and get my math out of the way. I can't imagine how tough it is to have to deal with the politics because your first language wasn't English.

College is a sore spot for me, too. I want to go back but I have to go through a community college again for a while to get my GPA up. I wish I had more of an idea of what I want to do with my college education but it's hard to tell anymore. I just want to learn. I'm afraid to try for anything anymore as well and I hate it.

Feels very sad for the nice balaa

[sandboa.livejournal.com]

I am very sad for you friend! The system tends to do this to lots of people, the government loves to mess with peoples minds. It takes forever for them to cough up any thing when it is needed,but as soon as you are through they want it all back with interest.They will do whatever it takes to get it back too. I went to a private college and now I ow close to sixty grand back! It was worth it thoug because it proves to people that you are not a quiter. You also ge that neat little pice of paper that states hay I accomplished something many others did not!

My advice to you friend is to keep right on trying because if you do not do this thing you wish to do you will end up regretting fot the rest of your life. Keep right on pushing and i am sure something will eventullay give in your favor. As they say anything worth having or doing is worth doing whatever it takes to get it done.(within the bounds of the law of course)I myself did not hed these words and did not do many things I would have liked to and missed many opportunites.

I have found you must do what makes you happy and not fall into the trap of doing for others, I did this for along time and it made me unhappy because in trying to please others I was not getting where I wanted to go.Follow your dreams to the end friend, let nothing stand in your way!

I say get your citizenship friend! Who knows how long the before the government decides at random for no particular reason to start deporting any and all non citizens. Fell like doing a stint in the millitary? If you serve a certian amount of time in they will give you automatic citizenship for sering the US. Just a thought and not a very pleasent one at that. Keep trying for it friend it is well worth it to be a citizen.

Rember whatever you do friend is ultimatly up to you,because you will be the one who has to live with it.

***Gives the sad, frustrated, balaa cub a friendly hug and say,"Always remember these words: Never give up, never surrender. Also rember that as a friend I am here to offer advice or support whichever you might need, cause I stand buy all my friends no matter what takes place!"***

Just a little side note: I like your given name of Anastasia, the name has always sounded so beautiful to me.

Have a good one friend and may you find a silver lining in evry cloud that comes your way!

[fer-lomarcan.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

College

[odious.livejournal.com]

College is one of my sore spots. Sounds like we've both had similar experiances with that. You already have your AAS though so you're definately ahead. You may not want to take my advice here but if it were me I'd consider trying to get yourself a job and saying screw college since you already posess a 2 year degree. It's my understanding that on the job training is where you really learn useful skills and not at the college. Then again, law enforcement may be different. Also, job may not be feasiable if you're technically not a citizen yet. I don't know very much about the whole immigration thing but I'm sure it's a pain since 9/11.

I don't have a two year degree, if what they tell me is true (and I doubt it at this point), I still have one year left. I've been going to college for three years at this point so I'm in quarter one of year four now even though it's still year one and two cirriculum. Long story there. Point is I'm jaded and tired of college and I just want to make some progress and graduate already.

Any time you want to rant about college you're free to contact me. You know I'll agree, it is all crap. =O)

Re: College

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

*smiles and hugs you* Seems like we have both had not so positive experiences with the beaurocratic process that is school. I have had way more problems than I even listed here but that would have made for a novel...so I bypassed it and synospized where I could. On the one hand I still want a 4 year degree...in this day and age almost everyone seems to have a 4 year degree and the more schooling you have the better your chances for a semi-reasonable paying job. It's stupid really but that retarded little piece of paper does seem to matter to people. Thats not to say you can't make your way into success without schooling, but in today's age that little diploma can make a dramtic difference in your life. I find that amusing sometimes, because just having that piece of paper doesn't mean you have brains or for that matter earned it. It just means you had the money to get it. Thats the sad bit of it..today the entire focus is "get a degree...get a good job" but then the government hikes up the cost of school and books so its almost like they dont want you to get that education...they want you to be a gear in the labor pool. Its a viscious cycle for young people...and it seems no matter what age bracket of the population you are..you have your own set of problems to deal with. What a joy to be a part of the great capitalist machine ;).

BTW stupid question..everyone always calls you odious..but what's your real name? I feel odd sometimes calling real friends by their furry name. OOOH and also I sent you an e-mail back about your otter chara...havent heard back from you so wasn't sure if you had gotten it.

Thanks again for the words...believe it or not you made me smile :)

Re: College

[odious.livejournal.com]

Hey balaa, believe me, I could write a novel about my schooling as well but nobody would want to read it. I think it's rather childish with the focus on college what it is these days. Not graduating college these days puts you at about as much disadvantage as not graduation high school used to. Not graduation high school means you can't get a job period. Oh well, there's nothing I can really do about that. I think the great capitalist machine could use some oiling.

I'll get back to you on the character as soon as I can dig up some good reference. It's a bit hard to find. I'll include my real name as well.

Glad to hear I was able to brighten up your day a bit. I know how depressed college can make a person.

[fyregryphoness.livejournal.com]

I hate going through all the red tape at colleges as well. Just managing to get a small grant feels about as bad as getting all of your finger (and toe) nails pulled out with pliers! >_<

Still...it really makes me wonder how many of those "native born Americans" that work there would manage to pass the proficeincy exams. lol! XD After all, this comes from a country that consider Ebonics a language. ;)hehe.

[bagheera.livejournal.com]

beaurocracy = teh sux... x_x

I don't know if you ever thought about public schools... hmm. I am a California resident so all public universities in Cal are a lot cheaper for me than private school. :3

[camelai.livejournal.com]

That's so stupid. I'm sorry balaa! I would suggest not only applying again, but applying to multiple schools. That way you have some back up if one or two fall through. Good luck with everything. :) Don't give up. :)