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[balaa]

Im starting to do lj cut so for those that don't want to be bothered by my random daily life nonsense dun read...really its mostly very boring but I need to vent.



I hate talking to my mom...she called tonight and when I answered the phone and it was her my heart just sank. Ever since what happened in november I feel betrayed by her. I forgave her even as it happened because thats in my nature. I have forgiven all the people that have in anyway wronged me and given my apologies even if it meant bruising my ego/pride/what have you. But I think with her, just saying Ive forgiven doesn't mean I have. She's my mom and for a long time I was so close to her....but I came to realize the closeness was not really friendship. I was her possession and as long as I did what she wanted, we got along. But as soon as I had someone else in my life she got jealous and wanted me to get rid of them. When I finally started thinking for myself she started to blame everyone around me for us drifting apart. Now my stomach ties in knots whenever she calls me. meh everytime I talk to her on the phone I just end up crying...I dont let her know but she just makes me feel so awful about everyythiiinngg.

Newho..I feel better now, trish, sculleh and dark jag have been cheering me up nicely. You are all such nice people. Thank you all

k im done ranting for now x.x

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Oh please. Quit trying to get attention by saying you starve yourself; you have no idea what that even means. ::shakes head:: This is Balaa's entry; she doesn't need your problems in addition to hers.

[jannali.livejournal.com]

hey! I wasnt trying to draw attention to myself, and I wasnt trying to make people feel sorry for me either. My comment was for Balaa anyway, and if you're going to insult me at least show yourself, dont hide behind an anonymous comment.
I'm sorry Balaa, I hope I didnt offend you. It wasnt my intention at all. I consider you a good friend, and I would never want to spoil your entry or do anything at all that could hurt your feelings. I hope you didnt take it that way, I honeslty did not mean to at all.
I'll just go now, I'm sorry If I said something wrong, but it was compeltely unintentional. :(

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

Don't you dare feel bad...you know what? I welcome any comment as long as it isnt maliscious..thats all. This is a place to vent and if that means not just me...then thats perfectly alright. I doubt very much you are seeking attention or anything of the such but rather show me you identify with me..and I certainly identify with you. *HUGS* theres many things in my past I hardly talk about. The advice I can give you hun is truly try to take care of yourself...eat when you can. Malnutrition can do serious damage to your body, things you could never really imagine. I am facing some of the consequences only now...no matter what take care of your body. You will not have another one to replace this one. *BIGHUUUUGGGSSStoyouhun*

You haven't hurt my feelings at all Jannali..not in the least *hugs*

[xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't think any harm was meant by it at all :). *HUGGSSeveryoneLIKEnuts* you guys are all so sweet to me...

[nanook123.livejournal.com]

ouch dude X.x